Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
