FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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