True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize