Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
