ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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