I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
