somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
