If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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