The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
