paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
