So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
