So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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