Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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