I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
