If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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