So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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