He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
