I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize