I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
