I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
