all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
