I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You can't motorboat a personality
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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