I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
