So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
