Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
