We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
