I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
