Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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