in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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