I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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