Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
