You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
