dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize