I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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