I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
