I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
