she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
