I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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