dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You ruined the universe
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
