By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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