I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
