Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize