I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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