yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
