I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
