i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
