Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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