rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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