Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
