I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
