considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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