I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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