i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
