My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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