I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
