She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
