I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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