i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
