I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
