saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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