the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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