Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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