Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
