I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
