i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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