I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Who died my cat blue again?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
