I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize