I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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