My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everclear isn't food dammit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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