I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
