I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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