dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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