you turned your livingroom into a bong?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
