zippers are such a cool invention
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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