im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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