it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he fucked my hip out of place.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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