party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
