There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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