I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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