She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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