dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
