Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
