Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
