I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
