all she had left on were here heels. phone five
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i came on her dog
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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