Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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