what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
