He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
