Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so much tequila, so little girl.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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