what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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