I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize