idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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