And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
