the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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