12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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