It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize