i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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