Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
