i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
