I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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