It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize