my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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