just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
