This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
