bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
handjob tips. give me some.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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